I'm Not the Only One

For months on end I’ve had my doubts, denying every tear.

I don’t know why I looked at his phone that morning, though I’m clear that seeing what I saw is what prevented me from looking ever again. Mark had been out late, which wasn’t new. I was awake and starting the day before he was, which also wasn’t new, given that he was always so tired from whatever he was doing all night. His usual excuse was that he was driving ‘something like Uber’ in a car he shared with another driver, which was mysterious considering nobody ever saw this car or had ever heard of the name of the company for which he supposedly drove. Also, there didn’t seem to be any money coming in, so you can imagine my confusion about this “job”.

These were the early days after he came off active duty and we were back in San Diego. Our best friend was kind enough to let us live with her and her kids for a few months while we got back on our feet. By ‘we’ I mean ‘I’. I’m the one who got my teaching job back. I’m the one who did private tutoring lessons. I set a budget and paid our bills. I’m the one who had to put my pride aside and ask for loans to get us through until we got settled, not knowing that was never going to happen because all the while I was taking those steps, Mark was undermining them and gambling our money away. I was naive enough then to call it ‘our’ money.

In hindsight, all of that was reason enough to sneak a look at Mark’s phone, though I can’t say for sure what had me do it. I am many things, but jealous is not typically one of them. All I know is that I was confused and wanted to understand. Plus, his phone was right there, and he was asleep.

For the average woman trying to catch her husband in a lie, that might be a saving grace, but when you marry a Marine, especially a grunt, you learn quickly that they don’t sleep like normal people. Seriously, they can pass out anywhere at any time. They can fall into a deep sleep faster than one would think is possible, but they’ll also wake up and be fully functioning without about two seconds of hearing the slightest hint of a noise. It’s fascinating. It also ruins any chances of surprising them, or in my case, of sneaking through their phone to find out what it is they’re hiding. They’re no fun, really, those Marines.

Lies. Marines are my favorite humans on the planet, even with their idiocy.

Contrary to how I believe he usually set things up, Mark was on the inside of the bed between me and the wall, leaving him unable to make an easy escape. This left me closer to the edge of the bed where his phone lay charging. On a typical day, that device was practically glued to Mark, but he slipped up that time and left it accessible. I knew the code to unlock his phone because it was always the same - 0311 for his MOS in the Marine Corps. I leaned on my elbow with my back to him and started scrolling. I don’t know what I thought I was going to find, but I definitely wasn’t prepared for the photos I saw.

She was naked. Her leg was up on the sink to show off her goods. They were negotiating the price he would pay.

I froze.

He woke up.

Then he panicked.

Then he lied.

Then I spent the last four years pretending it never happened.

Maybe Mark didn’t just gamble all of my money away. Maybe he spent it on something, or someone, else.